how-to-be-holier-than-thouWe’ve done 8 steps in the journey to becoming Holier Than Thou (see below for links). Here are the final two ways to be holier than thou out of John chapter 9…

[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]9) Never question the founder[/highlight]

Sometimes people will throw the words of God in your face to counter your decisions and ideas as a holier than thou person. The Pharisees are very helpful in getting out of this sticky situation. They say: “We know that God spoke to Moses, but as for this fellow, we don’t even know where he comes from.” (v28) This is basically a distraction from the subject—because we can point out that we follow a founder, and that founder’s words compel us to act in the way we are. In the case of our PhariCoach consultants it was Moses. He was the final word on everything for them. If you did things differently than Moses the discussion was over. We can do the same if we want to be holier than thou. All we need to do is select a founder that is long gone and dead, and enshrine that person as our model. We will do things like they did and if people bring up scripture we will bring up the founder. It is helpful to name things in that dead person’s honor, or even have statues of them. People will never notice that we are following a founder more than God himself because we are so holier than thou. They’ll never suspect this one. If they have their own dead founder then we can play the endless “Game of Founders” and continually one-up each other with quotes from our dead founders. Some seminaries have classes that teach you to do this full-time. However, no need to go to seminary to learn it, as it is quite easy to do with modern Internet search engines. Any yahoo who can find Wikipedia can be an expert on a founder these days. So have fun and you’ll be holier than thou in no time!

[highlight class=”highlight_yellow” style=””]10) Establish authoritative distance[/highlight]

It can be disconcerting when someone questions your authority while being holier than thou. The dirty little secret of religion these days is that anyone can challenge us at any time. It can be infuriating. What’s the use of being holier than thou if any Joe Blow can presume to question us? Our Pharisee consultants show us the way out when they are questioned by the man who so recently was blind: “’You were steeped in sin at birth; how dare you lecture us!’ And they threw him out.” (v34) This works perfectly. When your “holier than thou” ways are questioned by someone, just point out how low they started out in life. Using labels here helps too. If you point out the sin of your questioners, it establishes the necessary authoritative distance so that you can remain holier than thou. Because how can one be “holier” if they have no sinful “thou” to compare themselves to?

It seems that these ten tips are a foolproof way to successfully become holier than thou. It worked for the Pharisees and it can work for you too!

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Thanks for joining me on the journey to becoming Holier Than Thou. I’m sure you’re doing a great job at this already and if you only work a bit harder you’ll be as holier than thou as the Pharisees in no time!

*Just in case it’s not obvious, this entire piece is satirical and inexcusably sarcastic. But perhaps our Pharisaical ways need a little poking fun at from time to time, eh?

How To Be Holier Than Thou:

1) Major on the minors

2) Be perpetually divided

3) Be skeptical about miracles

4) Encourage a betraying culture

5) Motivate people with fear

6) Cloud things with religiosity

7) Talk more than listen

8) Label your enemies

9) Never question the founder

10) Establish authoritative distance

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