What if Willy Wonka founded a seminary? First of all, the professors would all be Ooompa Loompas. For this reason alone I support the notion. Beyond that, I think there is some good wisdom that Mr. Wonka would deliver for future pastors. Below I have listed some great quotes from the 1971 movie “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” with only minor editing for pastors in training. So here are some #WonkaSeminary axioms for your enjoyment & the betterment of your future ministry, with some “Condescending Wonka” memes thrown in for good measure:

“Preaching, my dear friends, is 40% inspiration, 33% perspiration, 30% communication, and 2% butterscotch ripple.”

“There is no life I know to compare with pure devotion.”

“Of course you don’t know. You don’t know because only the professors knows. If you knew and I didn’t know, then you’d be teaching me greek instead of me teaching you – and for a middler to be teaching his professor is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?”

“The suspense in the middle of this sermon is terrible… I hope it’ll last.”

“We must remember there are many more important things than Church life, many more important things . . . off hand, I can’t think of what they are, but I’m sure there must be something.”

“Blaming the flock is a lie and a shame / You know exactly who’s to blame / The pastor and the board / Oompa loompa doompadee dah”

“When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I’ve no right buying commentaries.”

“A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest pastors.”

“Preachers are the music makers… and we are the dreamers of dreams.”

So what quotes would you edit from the great Chocolate Factory sage to add to the list? Share them on Social Media with the hashtag “WonkaSeminary” and I’ll add them here (with credit).

Additional Quotes (taken from the comments and social media responses):

“It’s the everlasting illustration. You can suck it and suck it and it still applies.” – Aaron Lee

“Wrong! It’s the most amazing, fabulous, sensational Word in the whole world.” – Jeff Brady

“I can’t go on forever, and I don’t really want to try. So who can I trust to run the church when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a slave to the law. A slave to the law would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that’s why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious disciple making secrets.” – Jason Dillingham

 “The bread, juice, even the plastic cup, almost everything you’ll see is eatable, edible, I mean, you can eat almost everything.” – Paul Tillman

“We are the only church in the world that baptized by waterfall. It’s the only way to get it just right.” #immersion – Aaron Lee

“Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little students were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A secular Professor would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, “Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids.” – Jeff Brady

“Our first stop, the free will versus providence everlasting gobstopper. One per person, please. You can suck on them forever, and they don’t get any smaller!” – Thom Chittom

“It happens every time, they all become pretentious.” – Jeff Brady


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